








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1111 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,439 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 622 | 43% |
| Smokes | 422 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 245 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 150 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $612,974 of utility $216 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 12 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | llama | 63% | 27 |
| #2 | Graig | 51% | 96 |
| #3 | STICKBANNASS | 51% | 55 |
| #4 | SteveSarkesian | 49% | 119 |
| #5 | Shake'N Bake | 42% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Graig | 51% | 96 |
| #3 | STICKBANNASS | 51% | 55 |
| #4 | SteveSarkesian | 49% | 119 |
| #5 | Shake'N Bake | 42% | 62 |
| #6 | gravybeck | 37% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SteveSarkesian | 11 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | Graig | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Shake'N Bake | 4 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | STICKBANNASS | 4 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | llama | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | STICKBANNASS | 285 | 0.24 | 8 min |
| #2 | SteveSarkesian | 203 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #3 | Graig | 202 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #4 | Shake'N Bake | 90 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | llama | 80 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SteveSarkesian | +3.35 | 65 | 50 |
| #2 | Scheffler | +0.78 | 68 | 32 |
| #3 | llama | +0.64 | 53 | 58 |
| #4 | STICKBANNASS | -0.37 | 23 | 67 |
| #5 | gravybeck | -2.44 | 59 | 5 |





