








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 685 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 173 matches | ||
| Faceit | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 45 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2834 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,670 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2264 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1913 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2478 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 2015 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $598,446 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 668 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the machine | 56% | 43 |
| #2 | Mark Kross | 56% | 18 |
| #3 | Joker8D | 55% | 31 |
| #4 | Miles Morales | 52% | 23 |
| #5 | BONESAW | 48% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the machine | 56% | 43 |
| #2 | Mark Kross | 56% | 18 |
| #3 | Joker8D | 55% | 31 |
| #4 | Miles Morales | 52% | 23 |
| #5 | BONESAW | 48% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joker8D | 4 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | the machine | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Miles Morales | 2 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | BONESAW | 1 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the machine | 216 | 0.23 | 7 min |
| #2 | Miles Morales | 86 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #3 | BONESAW | 25 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #4 | Joker8D | 22 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #5 | Mark Kross | 12 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the machine | +1.19 | 71 | 65 |
| #2 | Aintisam | +0.90 | 46 | 63 |
| #3 | Joker8D | -0.26 | 68 | 46 |
| #4 | BONESAW | -0.81 | 42 | 51 |
| #5 | Mark Kross | -1.50 | 55 | 59 |





