








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 150 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 109 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
917 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,184 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1111 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1452 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 664 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 957 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $394,905 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tazzy | 68% | 22 |
| #2 | ⛴ Drehstabenverbucher | 67% | 9 |
| #3 | pwzl | 58% | 12 |
| #4 | wudey ⭕⃤ | 56% | 34 |
| #5 | mazeツ @LAN | 56% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Ocean65 | 50% | 8 |
| #8 | TakTazzz | 49% | 72 |
| #9 | frsH^ | 46% | 41 |
| #10 | ツMadiツ | 41% | 49 |
| #11 | blep | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wudey ⭕⃤ | 9 | 0.0134 |
| #2 | ツMadiツ | 5 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | frsH^ | 5 | 0.0060 |
| #4 | TakTazzz | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | Osnaskater | 4 | 0.0081 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TakTazzz | 213 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #2 | wudey ⭕⃤ | 165 | 0.25 | 6 min |
| #3 | frsH^ | 102 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | ツMadiツ | 85 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Tazzy | 50 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tazzy | +4.11 | 92 | 65 |
| #2 | mazeツ @LAN | +3.20 | 74 | 68 |
| #3 | Ocean65 | +2.65 | 65 | 73 |
| #4 | TakTazzz | +1.15 | 90 | 60 |
| #5 | ⛴ Drehstabenverbucher | +0.94 | 63 | 72 |





