








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 485 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 520 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 57 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




59 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4679 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 29,763 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9607 | 32% |
| Smokes | 8232 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 6880 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 5044 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,035,363 of utility $84 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 318 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Neno(BADASS) | 50% | 188 |
| #4 | Zaraki | 48% | 159 |
| #5 | BeavisGuitar | 42% | 57 |
| #6 | Li'l Dice (Dadinho) | 38% | 86 |
| #7 | LeoZado | 34% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Neno(BADASS) | 19 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | Li'l Dice (Dadinho) | 11 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | dolly calvoemo | 7 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Zaraki | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | BeavisGuitar | 4 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dolly calvoemo | 289 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #2 | BeavisGuitar | 176 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | Li'l Dice (Dadinho) | 165 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | Neno(BADASS) | 109 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #5 | Zaraki | 99 | 0.03 | 3 min |





