








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 493 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 833 matches | ||
| Wingman | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 206 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5007 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,312 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1948 | 9% |
| Smokes | 8445 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 7128 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 3791 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,399,417 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 87 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Neno(BADASS) | 49% | 581 |
| #2 | JUREG | 48% | 159 |
| #3 | dolly calvoemo | 48% | 426 |
| #4 | LuGum | 48% | 67 |
| #5 | BeavisGuitar | 46% | 192 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Neno(BADASS) | 51 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | Li'l Dice (Dadinho) | 34 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | dolly calvoemo | 20 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | BeavisGuitar | 18 | 0.0045 |
| #5 | JUREG | 18 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dolly calvoemo | 1003 | 0.11 | 25 min |
| #2 | JUREG | 639 | 0.19 | 16 min |
| #3 | Li'l Dice (Dadinho) | 578 | 0.08 | 14 min |
| #4 | BeavisGuitar | 554 | 0.14 | 14 min |
| #5 | Neno(BADASS) | 422 | 0.04 | 9 min |





