








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 550 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 685 matches | ||
| Wingman | 121 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 46 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




64 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4893 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,905 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2730 | 14% |
| Smokes | 8280 | 42% |
| HE Grenades | 4999 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3896 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,227,858 of utility $70 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 64 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | JUREG | 50% | 188 |
| #4 | dolly calvoemo | 50% | 349 |
| #5 | Li'l Dice (Dadinho) | 49% | 242 |
| #6 | Zaraki | 49% | 581 |
| #7 | LeoZado | 39% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JUREG | 28 | 0.0071 |
| #2 | Zaraki | 25 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | dolly calvoemo | 22 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | Li'l Dice (Dadinho) | 21 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | BeavisGuitar | 9 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dolly calvoemo | 813 | 0.11 | 20 min |
| #2 | JUREG | 725 | 0.18 | 19 min |
| #3 | Li'l Dice (Dadinho) | 419 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #4 | Zaraki | 326 | 0.03 | 9 min |
| #5 | BeavisGuitar | 290 | 0.14 | 7 min |





