








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 872 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 582 matches | ||
| Wingman | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 95 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




32 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5797 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,827 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7727 | 31% |
| Smokes | 5824 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 5047 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 6229 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,773,639 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 477 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Zaraki | 48% | 426 |
| #5 | BeavisGuitar | 47% | 107 |
| #6 | ZÉ PINGOLA | 46% | 39 |
| #7 | Li'l Dice (Dadinho) | 42% | 210 |
| #8 | LeoZado | 40% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Neno(BADASS) | 30 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Li'l Dice (Dadinho) | 22 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | JUREG | 19 | 0.0070 |
| #4 | Zaraki | 17 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | BeavisGuitar | 10 | 0.0045 |





