








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 933 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Anubis | 228 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 206 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 205 matches | ||
| Premier | 134 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 112 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 112 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 107 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




155 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
14647 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 36,137 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9441 | 26% |
| Smokes | 8730 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 8802 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 9164 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,436,375 of utility $65 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 485 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Adolf HEE HEE | 2237 | 0.21 | 55 min |
| #2 | edfre | 1497 | 0.13 | 40 min |
| #3 | JVME | 969 | 0.19 | 22 min |
| #4 | Kingruay | 438 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #5 | burgerMEiSTER | 378 | 0.12 | 9 min |





