








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1786 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Anubis | 128 matches | ||
| Premier | 127 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 122 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 112 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 80 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7835 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 30,510 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9668 | 32% |
| Smokes | 8594 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 6184 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 6064 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,112,395 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 740 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jews cleaner | 30 | 0.0059 |
| #2 | Adolf HEE HEE | 28 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | iconic | 26 | 0.0088 |
| #4 | skaproodle | 20 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | edfre | 12 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Adolf HEE HEE | 1425 | 0.24 | 35 min |
| #2 | skaproodle | 886 | 0.22 | 24 min |
| #3 | Jews cleaner | 761 | 0.15 | 22 min |
| #4 | edfre | 683 | 0.13 | 19 min |
| #5 | iconic | 387 | 0.13 | 9 min |





