








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 64 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
361 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 962 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 178 | 19% |
| Smokes | 276 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 229 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 279 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $324,911 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 50 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oh Yeah | 36% | 102 |
| #2 | Resolution | 32% | 19 |
| #3 | MachJesus | 31% | 16 |
| #4 | DeadManWalking | 31% | 26 |
| #5 | Frooty Yummy Mommy | 27% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | MachJesus | 31% | 16 |
| #4 | DeadManWalking | 31% | 26 |
| #5 | Frooty Yummy Mommy | 27% | 41 |
| #6 | ShruggedUser | 26% | 19 |
| #7 | mmm creamy | 18% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Frooty Yummy Mommy | 11 | 0.0135 |
| #2 | Oh Yeah | 10 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | Resolution | 6 | 0.0153 |
| #4 | ShruggedUser | 5 | 0.0136 |
| #5 | mmm creamy | 3 | 0.0054 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mmm creamy | 106 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #2 | Oh Yeah | 85 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #3 | Frooty Yummy Mommy | 33 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | Resolution | 31 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | ShruggedUser | 20 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mmm creamy | +7.01 | 75 | 74 |
| #2 | Resolution | +2.99 | 46 | 69 |
| #3 | ShruggedUser | +1.61 | 56 | 56 |
| #4 | MachJesus | +0.78 | 71 | 26 |
| #5 | Frooty Yummy Mommy | -0.50 | 42 | 31 |





