








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 246 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 179 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 38 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




64 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3584 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,785 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1280 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1826 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1549 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1130 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $993,502 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1160 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | schraubby | 68% | 41 |
| #2 | mmm creamy | 50% | 257 |
| #3 | Oh Yeah | 48% | 213 |
| #4 | MachJesus | 47% | 210 |
| #5 | Resolution | 43% | 144 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | MachJesus | 47% | 210 |
| #5 | Resolution | 43% | 144 |
| #6 | ShruggedUser | 42% | 100 |
| #7 | DeadManWalking | 40% | 85 |
| #8 | notnat | 27% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oh Yeah | 48 | 0.0113 |
| #2 | mmm creamy | 37 | 0.0073 |
| #3 | ShruggedUser | 37 | 0.0190 |
| #4 | Resolution | 22 | 0.0078 |
| #5 | MachJesus | 12 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mmm creamy | 925 | 0.18 | 28 min |
| #2 | Resolution | 242 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #3 | Oh Yeah | 236 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #4 | schraubby | 204 | 0.25 | 4 min |
| #5 | MachJesus | 123 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mmm creamy | +6.79 | 71 | 64 |
| #2 | schraubby | +3.67 | 82 | 60 |
| #3 | MachJesus | +0.30 | 61 | 29 |
| #4 | Resolution | +0.28 | 46 | 58 |
| #5 | ShruggedUser | +0.24 | 58 | 43 |





