








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 469 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 131 matches | ||
| Faceit | 22 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Renown | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1789 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,211 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2592 | 36% |
| Smokes | 1764 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1095 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1760 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $563,803 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 459 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | C3R3L4CPT | 38% | 47 |
| #4 | Macalhas3 | 36% | 25 |
| #5 | S0mple | 33% | 12 |
| #6 | RacistHomophobicMachist | 32% | 19 |
| #7 | Not Usyk | 25% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | C3R3L4CPT | 7 | 0.0075 |
| #2 | RacistHomophobicMachist | 5 | 0.0121 |
| #3 | Macalhas3 | 4 | 0.0075 |
| #4 | S0mple | 3 | 0.0115 |
| #5 | Not Usyk | 1 | 0.0022 |





