








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 235 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 116 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 52 matches | ||
| Wingman | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 35 matches | ||
| Faceit | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




63 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4564 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,950 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4429 | 30% |
| Smokes | 5555 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 2155 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 2811 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,216,927 of utility $184 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 173 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Every Silvers Worst Nightmare | 48% | 252 |
| #4 | OJs Wife | 45% | 365 |
| #5 | Smellyfoot | 44% | 39 |
| #6 | thelastpilot | 34% | 53 |
| #7 | Anakin Kid Killer | 30% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Every Silvers Worst Nightmare | 52 | 0.0103 |
| #2 | OJs Wife | 22 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | 白 | 15 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | thelastpilot | 4 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | Smellyfoot | 2 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Every Silvers Worst Nightmare | 903 | 0.18 | 24 min |
| #2 | 白 | 858 | 0.19 | 21 min |
| #3 | OJs Wife | 769 | 0.11 | 17 min |
| #4 | thelastpilot | 102 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | Smellyfoot | 78 | 0.10 | 1 min |





