








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 9 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
519 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,259 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 234 | 10% |
| Smokes | 495 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 638 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 892 | 39% |
Our logs show you have wasted $247,970 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Voodoo Daddy | 46% | 76 |
| #2 | Wiglum | 45% | 58 |
| #3 | Ramfu | 43% | 65 |
| #4 | Assemb1ly | 43% | 7 |
| #5 | 乃丨尺乃 | 43% | 87 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 乃丨尺乃 | 17 | 0.0103 |
| #2 | Voodoo Daddy | 11 | 0.0078 |
| #3 | Ramfu | 8 | 0.0065 |
| #4 | Wiglum | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Assemb1ly | 2 | 0.0155 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 乃丨尺乃 | 115 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #2 | Voodoo Daddy | 110 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | Ramfu | 109 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | Assemb1ly | 17 | 0.13 | 0 min |
| #5 | Wiglum | 13 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Assemb1ly | +2.45 | 71 | 59 |
| #2 | 乃丨尺乃 | +1.83 | 64 | 34 |
| #3 | Ramfu | +1.19 | 55 | 57 |
| #4 | Voodoo Daddy | -0.06 | 31 | 40 |
| #5 | Type2Diabetes | -1.70 | 31 | 34 |





