








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1 achievement has been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 262 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




53 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2309 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,457 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2485 | 56% |
| Smokes | 550 | 12% |
| HE Grenades | 1330 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 92 | 2% |
Our logs show you have wasted $959,391 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scobes | 60% | 30 |
| #2 | Can i Clean Here | 59% | 17 |
| #3 | Prophet | 57% | 46 |
| #4 | SeniorSemen | 50% | 18 |
| #5 | Wookii | 47% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Baz™ | 45% | 42 |
| #8 | ✪HazzaVEVO | 45% | 20 |
| #9 | BOOGERMUNCHER | 44% | 54 |
| #10 | Plumber Sins | 44% | 72 |
| #11 | Meat Piston | 40% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Plumber Sins | 13 | 0.0082 |
| #2 | Baz™ | 5 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | Meat Piston | 5 | 0.0113 |
| #4 | Wookii | 4 | 0.0052 |
| #5 | Can i Clean Here | 4 | 0.0113 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Prophet | 260 | 0.27 | 6 min |
| #2 | Plumber Sins | 234 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #3 | Baz™ | 186 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #4 | Can i Clean Here | 100 | 0.28 | 2 min |
| #5 | Wookii | 88 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Can i Clean Here | +5.49 | 80 | 48 |
| #2 | Prophet | +3.78 | 84 | 54 |
| #3 | Wookii | +2.85 | 81 | 60 |
| #4 | Baz™ | +1.38 | 74 | 44 |
| #5 | Meat Piston | +1.09 | 64 | 30 |





