








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 32 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
435 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,282 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 367 | 29% |
| Smokes | 282 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 341 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 292 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $156,417 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DeMaisteriX | 100% | 5 |
| #2 | eevi | 88% | 8 |
| #3 | selmuu | 86% | 7 |
| #4 | Jesa | 75% | 8 |
| #5 | Läähpuuh | 75% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mebisa | 2 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | henski | 2 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | Macce | 2 | 0.0217 |
| #4 | Kaakelberg | 2 | 0.0364 |
| #5 | Läähpuuh | 1 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mebisa | 97 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #2 | Zuba♛ | 41 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #3 | DENNABEEE | 25 | 0.14 | 0 min |
| #4 | DeMaisteriX | 25 | 0.26 | 1 min |
| #5 | henski | 19 | 0.05 | 0 min |





