








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 409 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 112 matches | 1,502 | |
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 46 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
851 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,595 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 757 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1003 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 860 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 975 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $518,943 of utility $205 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 37 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Valp3n | 67% | 9 |
| #2 | kumbaya my lord | 56% | 18 |
| #3 | brordjur | 50% | 12 |
| #4 | Priivateclown | 46% | 28 |
| #5 | tazi ♛ ✂ | 44% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kumbaya my lord | 1 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | MartinS | 1 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kumbaya my lord | 86 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #2 | brordjur | 76 | 0.27 | 2 min |
| #3 | Janne | 50 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | MartinS | 33 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Priivateclown | 25 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kumbaya my lord | +9.31 | 95 | 69 |
| #2 | MartinS | +2.71 | 81 | 52 |
| #3 | Valp3n | +1.81 | 70 | 44 |
| #4 | Janne | +1.19 | 67 | 72 |
| #5 | brordjur | +0.10 | 51 | 81 |





