








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 510 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 115 matches | ||
| Faceit | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




98 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3021 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,195 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2200 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2480 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1716 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1799 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,259,282 of utility $226 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2260 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nick | 71% | 14 |
| #2 | Izokinaa | 65% | 23 |
| #3 | MYTRAIDMARK™ | 63% | 16 |
| #4 | Spoon | 58% | 19 |
| #5 | bllybs | 56% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | fab | 48% | 60 |
| #10 | most devious lick | 47% | 85 |
| #11 | Buzin | 45% | 84 |
| #12 | Mr Pee | 45% | 87 |
| #13 | Mr Whiffy | 40% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | most devious lick | 47 | 0.0272 |
| #2 | Mr Pee | 36 | 0.0197 |
| #3 | Garry Glitter | 23 | 0.0122 |
| #4 | Buzin | 14 | 0.0078 |
| #5 | fab | 11 | 0.0089 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Garry Glitter | 338 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #2 | Buzin | 294 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #3 | fab | 275 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #4 | cam the sexy young boy | 211 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | Mr Pee | 156 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tommy g | +2.62 | 67 | 60 |
| #2 | Spoon | +1.66 | 59 | 43 |
| #3 | MYTRAIDMARK™ | +1.59 | 58 | 62 |
| #4 | fab | +0.93 | 73 | 53 |
| #5 | Mr Pee | +0.51 | 69 | 39 |





