








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 73 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1015 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,693 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1076 | 40% |
| Smokes | 640 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 645 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 332 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $306,610 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 281 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr Whiffy | 50% | 8 |
| #2 | Tommy g | 48% | 60 |
| #3 | Mr Pee | 48% | 52 |
| #4 | Garry Glitter | 45% | 29 |
| #5 | soy boi | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Garry Glitter | 45% | 29 |
| #5 | soy boi | 44% | 16 |
| #6 | Buzin | 40% | 15 |
| #7 | most devious lick | 33% | 15 |
| #8 | cam the sexy young boy | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tommy g | 13 | 0.0105 |
| #2 | Mr Pee | 13 | 0.0120 |
| #3 | most devious lick | 8 | 0.0284 |
| #4 | Buzin | 4 | 0.0132 |
| #5 | cam the sexy young boy | 4 | 0.0141 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tommy g | 176 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #2 | Mr Pee | 116 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | Garry Glitter | 93 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #4 | Buzin | 48 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | cam the sexy young boy | 41 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tommy g | +2.19 | 62 | 58 |
| #2 | fab | +0.98 | 72 | 51 |
| #3 | Buzin | +0.45 | 58 | 59 |
| #4 | most devious lick | +0.10 | 78 | 28 |
| #5 | Mr Pee | +0.08 | 66 | 34 |





