








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 200 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 94 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
876 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,339 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1786 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1437 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1189 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 927 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $498,956 of utility $144 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 728 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | soy boi | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | Tommy g | 55% | 58 |
| #3 | most devious lick | 50% | 20 |
| #4 | Buzin | 50% | 30 |
| #5 | Mr Pee | 44% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tommy g | 28 | 0.0243 |
| #2 | Garry Glitter | 17 | 0.0143 |
| #3 | Mr Pee | 17 | 0.0337 |
| #4 | most devious lick | 17 | 0.0446 |
| #5 | fab | 7 | 0.0247 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Garry Glitter | 228 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #2 | Tommy g | 198 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #3 | Buzin | 88 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | fab | 71 | 0.25 | 2 min |
| #5 | Mr Pee | 35 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | most devious lick | +3.93 | 76 | 27 |
| #2 | Tommy g | +3.48 | 71 | 58 |
| #3 | Mr Pee | +1.88 | 64 | 26 |
| #4 | fab | +1.50 | 64 | 53 |
| #5 | Buzin | +0.70 | 52 | 53 |





