










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 43 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
849 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,545 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 780 | 22% |
| Smokes | 954 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 739 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1072 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $162,467 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 45 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rProfit | 100% | 6 |
| #2 | boobies | 100% | 7 |
| #3 | dave storage wars | 100% | 11 |
| #4 | Jakob | 73% | 22 |
| #5 | Ketster | 60% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | b1ess3d' | 2 | 0.0066 |
| #2 | dave storage wars | 2 | 0.0086 |
| #3 | Jakob | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jakob | 95 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #2 | b1ess3d' | 72 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| #3 | Tek | 43 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | Conath | 30 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #5 | boobies | 28 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rProfit | +4.72 | 79 | 53 |
| #2 | boobies | +4.44 | 77 | 55 |
| #3 | dave storage wars | +2.49 | 72 | 68 |
| #4 | Conath | +1.21 | 76 | 56 |
| #5 | Jakob | +1.07 | 75 | 70 |





