








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 470 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 80 matches | ||
| Premier | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




102 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2389 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,050 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 867 | 17% |
| Smokes | 900 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 1590 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1693 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,170,766 of utility $239 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1130 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sniffcock | 55% | 128 |
| #2 | Jimi Skutt #fuck7side #mway | 52% | 179 |
| #3 | ede | 47% | 57 |
| #4 | wZade | 44% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sniffcock | 55% | 128 |
| #2 | Jimi Skutt #fuck7side #mway | 52% | 179 |
| #3 | ede | 47% | 57 |
| #4 | wZade | 44% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jimi Skutt #fuck7side #mway | 31 | 0.0086 |
| #2 | Sniffcock | 22 | 0.0086 |
| #3 | ede | 22 | 0.0192 |
| #4 | wZade | 16 | 0.0095 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sniffcock | 459 | 0.18 | 12 min |
| #2 | Jimi Skutt #fuck7side #mway | 353 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #3 | ede | 295 | 0.26 | 8 min |
| #4 | wZade | 184 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sniffcock | +2.18 | 64 | 66 |
| #2 | Uppa cs Natalia | +1.84 | 69 | 49 |
| #3 | ede | +1.69 | 69 | 71 |
| #4 | wZade | +1.51 | 54 | 65 |
| #5 | Jimi Skutt #fuck7side #mway | -2.40 | 28 | 60 |





