








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
408 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,112 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 224 | 20% |
| Smokes | 262 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 290 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 336 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $172,385 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 19 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | KvH | 37% | 27 |
| #12 | oyda | 36% | 25 |
| #13 | Oyxu hellcase.org | 22% | 9 |
| #14 | 𝙎𝙊𝙇𝙇𝙄𝙀 | 20% | 5 |
| #15 | Лиле Homo | 20% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MG | 5 | 0.0137 |
| #2 | KvH | 4 | 0.0091 |
| #3 | Лиле Homo | 3 | 0.0159 |
| #4 | Big Poppa | 2 | 0.0124 |
| #5 | Oyxu hellcase.org | 2 | 0.0127 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Unota | 42 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #2 | KvH | 39 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #3 | Oyxu hellcase.org | 36 | 0.23 | 1 min |
| #4 | MG | 32 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | oyda | 17 | 0.04 | 0 min |





