








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 84 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 126 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
729 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,080 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 769 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1255 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 189 | 6% |
| Molotovs | 867 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $798,300 of utility $186 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Any NAFFERS? | 76% | 21 |
| #2 | muhfuckinuuuuuuuhhh | 51% | 35 |
| #3 | Mem | 50% | 38 |
| #4 | Mique10 | 49% | 68 |
| #5 | Tjin | 48% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Mique17 | 45% | 77 |
| #7 | MemKing | 42% | 71 |
| #8 | BIЕМ | 42% | 12 |
| #9 | &IEM | 40% | 151 |
| #10 | sp4rx | 36% | 70 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | &IEM | 11 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | MemKing | 10 | 0.0069 |
| #3 | Mique10 | 9 | 0.0064 |
| #4 | Any NAFFERS? | 7 | 0.0167 |
| #5 | sp4rx | 4 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | &IEM | 525 | 0.17 | 18 min |
| #2 | Mique17 | 218 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #3 | Mique10 | 218 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #4 | MemKing | 169 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #5 | sp4rx | 128 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Any NAFFERS? | +5.37 | 59 | 72 |
| #2 | BIЕМ | +3.39 | 68 | 51 |
| #3 | MemKing | +2.91 | 76 | 53 |
| #4 | muhfuckinuuuuuuuhhh | +2.60 | 71 | 66 |
| #5 | Mique10 | +2.00 | 69 | 62 |





