








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 350 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 104 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1472 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,078 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1210 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1082 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 860 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 926 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $811,917 of utility $226 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 147 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jordan | 67% | 18 |
| #2 | skip | 63% | 24 |
| #3 | En.Krypted | 55% | 86 |
| #4 | Jouseppe | 54% | 96 |
| #5 | Tholatros | 53% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Tholatros | 53% | 17 |
| #6 | Sqrl | 50% | 10 |
| #7 | Ryxn | 44% | 16 |
| #8 | Dusk | 38% | 48 |
| #9 | Jay | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jouseppe | 8 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | En.Krypted | 6 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | Tholatros | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jouseppe | 318 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #2 | En.Krypted | 242 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #3 | Dusk | 194 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #4 | Ryxn | 63 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #5 | skip | 53 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | En.Krypted | +2.92 | 66 | 67 |
| #2 | skip | +1.64 | 76 | 54 |
| #3 | Livi | +1.20 | 75 | 53 |
| #4 | Jouseppe | +0.44 | 73 | 72 |
| #5 | Tholatros | -1.18 | 48 | 59 |





