








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 305 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 234 matches | ||
| Faceit | 134 matches | ||
| Esplay | 22 matches | 1,949 | |
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4575 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,287 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5043 | 25% |
| Smokes | 6162 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 4324 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 4758 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,285,891 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 233 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sly Cooper | 63% | 30 |
| #2 | DuuPern | 61% | 31 |
| #3 | Makrellen | 59% | 32 |
| #4 | Xhizorz | 59% | 73 |
| #5 | æksjN | 58% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | Ribo | 48% | 82 |
| #15 | THEaiaN | 48% | 40 |
| #16 | Markie2k | 47% | 34 |
| #17 | Sander | 47% | 32 |
| #18 | vakken | 46% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vakken | 6 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | KaZaC | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | ☭ Belludeus Nocco | 5 | 0.0091 |
| #4 | ✪DonT | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Vestby | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪DonT | 451 | 0.15 | 11 min |
| #2 | Ribo | 403 | 0.23 | 11 min |
| #3 | Vestby | 362 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #4 | KaZaC | 344 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #5 | vakken | 213 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xhizorz | +2.60 | 74 | 66 |
| #2 | DuuPern | +2.11 | 83 | 57 |
| #3 | Bukkit | +1.67 | 78 | 73 |
| #4 | Makrellen | +1.55 | 81 | 60 |
| #5 | æksjN | +0.95 | 85 | 45 |





