








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 120 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
984 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,236 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1248 | 39% |
| Smokes | 869 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 347 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 772 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $215,308 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 67 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | smokesh_^ | 88% | 8 |
| #2 | pepper195 | 85% | 13 |
| #3 | zohN=) | 83% | 6 |
| #4 | yellow flash | 82% | 11 |
| #5 | jono the joburg boet | 72% | 71 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | jono the joburg boet | 72% | 71 |
| #6 | 333 | 71% | 7 |
| #7 | Milk is clear | 70% | 10 |
| #8 | Bryn | 63% | 19 |
| #9 | Real ❤ | 50% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jono the joburg boet | 16 | 0.0113 |
| #2 | yellow flash | 4 | 0.0161 |
| #3 | 333 | 3 | 0.0207 |
| #4 | zohN=) | 2 | 0.0179 |
| #5 | pepper195 | 1 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jono the joburg boet | 236 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #2 | yellow flash | 68 | 0.27 | 2 min |
| #3 | Milk is clear | 51 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| #4 | Real ❤ | 37 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #5 | zohN=) | 31 | 0.28 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yellow flash | +5.30 | 77 | 73 |
| #2 | smokesh_^ | +4.00 | 81 | 41 |
| #3 | jono the joburg boet | +3.26 | 65 | 37 |
| #4 | zohN=) | +3.02 | 88 | 65 |
| #5 | aidanxa | +2.21 | 81 | 58 |





