








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1215 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 316 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 50 matches | ||
| Wingman | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




82 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3813 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,440 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2831 | 25% |
| Smokes | 3418 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2308 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2883 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,518,217 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1378 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | REDRaven | 55% | 33 |
| #2 | ToastedMello0224 | 50% | 24 |
| #3 | Malik gets buckets | 49% | 43 |
| #4 | John Redcorn | 48% | 80 |
| #5 | Bobby Moynihan | 45% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stinky Goy | 104 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #2 | Bobby Moynihan | 79 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #3 | John Redcorn | 67 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #4 | REDRaven | 61 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Malik gets buckets | 42 | 0.05 | 1 min |





