








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1470 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 768 matches | ||
| Wingman | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 42 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




59 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9265 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,378 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4916 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2985 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 4826 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 6651 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,595,741 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 342 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | ToastedMello0224 | 48% | 271 |
| #7 | John Redcorn | 47% | 649 |
| #8 | Malik gets buckets | 47% | 215 |
| #9 | [NIGGA] Ismail Guleed | 46% | 83 |
| #10 | Rogu | 41% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John Redcorn | 72 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | Bobby Moynihan | 28 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | REDRaven | 23 | 0.0053 |
| #4 | [NIGGA] Ismail Guleed | 23 | 0.0132 |
| #5 | ToastedMello0224 | 18 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John Redcorn | 477 | 0.04 | 13 min |
| #2 | [NIGGA] Ismail Guleed | 246 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #3 | Bobby Moynihan | 230 | 0.03 | 6 min |
| #4 | Malik gets buckets | 198 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #5 | Rogu | 175 | 0.11 | 4 min |





