








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 449 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 430 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3912 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,384 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 529 | 7% |
| Smokes | 2673 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 2517 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1665 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,123,226 of utility $208 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 680 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Stinky Goy | 48% | 271 |
| #3 | Malik gets buckets | 48% | 103 |
| #4 | REDRaven | 48% | 141 |
| #5 | Bobby Moynihan | 47% | 202 |
| #6 | John Redcorn | 43% | 290 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John Redcorn | 27 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | Stinky Goy | 26 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | Bobby Moynihan | 17 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | REDRaven | 14 | 0.0048 |
| #5 | Malik gets buckets | 4 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stinky Goy | 413 | 0.07 | 8 min |
| #2 | John Redcorn | 183 | 0.03 | 5 min |
| #3 | Bobby Moynihan | 118 | 0.03 | 4 min |
| #4 | REDRaven | 100 | 0.03 | 3 min |
| #5 | Malik gets buckets | 64 | 0.03 | 1 min |





