








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 226 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 103 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 96 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 77 matches | ||
| Premier | 75 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 24 matches | ||
| Wingman | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




107 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6708 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,256 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1893 | 18% |
| Smokes | 3586 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 2243 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2534 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,532,303 of utility $204 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2455 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Probably got bit by a .G.O.A.T. | 68% | 60 |
| #2 | Xaphan | 63% | 170 |
| #3 | smells like rain | 59% | 107 |
| #4 | non | 56% | 32 |
| #5 | AxesBigs | 55% | 42 |





