








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 80 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 109 matches | ||
| Wingman | 59 matches | ||
| Premier | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2293 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,280 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 847 | 20% |
| Smokes | 947 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1308 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1178 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $758,537 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 213 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JohnSwole | 92% | 12 |
| #2 | Æsi Spæsi | 69% | 16 |
| #3 | Sharp | 61% | 28 |
| #4 | :| | 59% | 41 |
| #5 | Tofu | 47% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pinguඞ♿ | 12 | 0.0143 |
| #2 | Æsi Spæsi | 5 | 0.0157 |
| #3 | E.M.A Búbbla | 4 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | :| | 4 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | Tofu | 4 | 0.0091 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | E.M.A Búbbla | 140 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | :| | 106 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #3 | Sharp | 86 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #4 | Robbi | 46 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #5 | Tofu | 40 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Æsi Spæsi | +5.68 | 81 | 54 |
| #2 | JohnSwole | +3.41 | 64 | 42 |
| #3 | :| | +2.43 | 85 | 64 |
| #4 | Robbi | +2.19 | 82 | 62 |
| #5 | Sharp | +1.33 | 73 | 69 |





