








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 80 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 303 matches | ||
| Faceit | 38 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2265 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,323 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3789 | 22% |
| Smokes | 5972 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 4112 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 3450 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $839,603 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 55 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Andy | 50% | 28 |
| #2 | stubkjaer | 48% | 33 |
| #3 | Saga | 42% | 59 |
| #4 | >o<3 HYGGER >o<3> [DK] <3>o<3 | 41% | 197 |
| #5 | ☆★ 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒸𝑜★☆ | 38% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | stubkjaer | 48% | 33 |
| #3 | Saga | 42% | 59 |
| #4 | >o<3 HYGGER >o<3> [DK] <3>o<3 | 41% | 197 |
| #5 | ☆★ 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒸𝑜★☆ | 38% | 40 |
| #6 | ⚓joker⚓ | 37% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | >o<3 HYGGER >o<3> [DK] <3>o<3 | 12 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Saga | 4 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | ⚓joker⚓ | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | ☆★ 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒸𝑜★☆ | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Andy | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | >o<3 HYGGER >o<3> [DK] <3>o<3 | 363 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #2 | Saga | 126 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | ⚓joker⚓ | 97 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | ☆★ 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒸𝑜★☆ | 40 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | stubkjaer | 26 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stubkjaer | +4.38 | 74 | 64 |
| #2 | ⚓joker⚓ | +3.38 | 71 | 58 |
| #3 | ☆★ 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒸𝑜★☆ | +1.56 | 79 | 60 |
| #4 | >o<3 HYGGER >o<3> [DK] <3>o<3 | -0.42 | 26 | 65 |
| #5 | Saga | -1.34 | 20 | 68 |





