








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 188 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 248 matches | ||
| Faceit | 39 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3042 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,260 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1580 | 15% |
| Smokes | 3601 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 2855 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2224 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,294,438 of utility $187 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 50 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Andy | 56% | 43 |
| #2 | Bekker | 55% | 20 |
| #3 | Steffen | 49% | 35 |
| #4 | >o<3 HYGGER >o<3> [DK] <3>o<3 | 47% | 238 |
| #5 | Saga | 41% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Bekker | 55% | 20 |
| #3 | Steffen | 49% | 35 |
| #4 | >o<3 HYGGER >o<3> [DK] <3>o<3 | 47% | 238 |
| #5 | Saga | 41% | 49 |
| #6 | Steffen | 37% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | >o<3 HYGGER >o<3> [DK] <3>o<3 | 13 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Steffen | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Saga | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Steffen | 2 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | >o<3 HYGGER >o<3> [DK] <3>o<3 | 412 | 0.08 | 9 min |
| #2 | Steffen | 250 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #3 | Saga | 100 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | Steffen | 76 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | Bekker | 38 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⚓joker⚓ | +2.34 | 68 | 59 |
| #2 | Andy | -0.99 | 49 | 52 |
| #3 | >o<3 HYGGER >o<3> [DK] <3>o<3 | -1.12 | 21 | 62 |
| #4 | Bekker | -1.73 | 52 | 58 |
| #5 | Steffen | -1.74 | 10 | 80 |





