








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 389 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 137 matches | ||
| Premier | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2963 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,202 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2659 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2427 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2581 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2535 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $782,126 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 277 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zaggy-- | 64% | 33 |
| #2 | iluu | 58% | 19 |
| #3 | Haze | 58% | 19 |
| #4 | Fih! | 54% | 114 |
| #5 | -Lasty | 53% | 98 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Fih! | 54% | 114 |
| #5 | -Lasty | 53% | 98 |
| #6 | Mendicant Bias | 52% | 100 |
| #7 | wexy | 52% | 27 |
| #8 | Cren | 51% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mendicant Bias | 6 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Fih! | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | -Lasty | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | iluu | 2 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | Haze | 1 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fih! | 742 | 0.31 | 22 min |
| #2 | Cren | 409 | 0.32 | 12 min |
| #3 | -Lasty | 390 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| #4 | Mendicant Bias | 377 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #5 | Haze | 114 | 0.29 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Haze | +1.46 | 82 | 67 |
| #2 | Jae-Min Ling Pong | +1.36 | 83 | 63 |
| #3 | Fih! | +0.87 | 81 | 72 |
| #4 | Mendicant Bias | +0.60 | 81 | 70 |
| #5 | wexy | +0.41 | 62 | 62 |





