








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 475 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 86 matches | ||
| Faceit | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3587 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,438 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4656 | 32% |
| Smokes | 3975 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2290 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 3517 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $557,536 of utility $75 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 208 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ASIF | 67% | 21 |
| #2 | Grubb | 63% | 43 |
| #3 | iLunate | 60% | 40 |
| #4 | zyk0 | 57% | 90 |
| #5 | Malakai | 54% | 114 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Taco | 10 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | Malakai | 4 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Lasty | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Darmo | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Grubb | 3 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lasty | 589 | 0.17 | 14 min |
| #2 | Taco | 479 | 0.17 | 14 min |
| #3 | Crenux | 450 | 0.32 | 13 min |
| #4 | Malakai | 406 | 0.17 | 12 min |
| #5 | zyk0 | 286 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Agera | +2.72 | 88 | 65 |
| #2 | ASIF | +1.96 | 84 | 68 |
| #3 | Grubb | +1.94 | 65 | 69 |
| #4 | Taco | +1.28 | 86 | 68 |
| #5 | Malakai | +0.79 | 84 | 70 |





