








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 143 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 87 matches | ||
| Wingman | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1271 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,196 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 658 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1151 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1121 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1266 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $404,791 of utility $131 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 136 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wierp | 69% | 13 |
| #2 | Sam | 63% | 24 |
| #3 | Mr. Sauberman | 62% | 34 |
| #4 | burglerladder_vs | 61% | 38 |
| #5 | JayP | 59% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Ark ϟ | 52% | 21 |
| #10 | Hanzsapai | 50% | 8 |
| #11 | A1EX | 50% | 14 |
| #12 | CleanupCrew | 38% | 8 |
| #13 | J𝝅 | 36% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Praise-The-Blyat | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | JayP | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | Mr. Sauberman | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Wunder Schamane | 2 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | Sam | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Praise-The-Blyat | 97 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | burglerladder_vs | 93 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | Mr. Sauberman | 83 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | Wunder Schamane | 70 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | JayP | 44 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wierp | +3.47 | 74 | 61 |
| #2 | Sam | +2.56 | 73 | 63 |
| #3 | Mr. Sauberman | +1.80 | 61 | 72 |
| #4 | CleanupCrew | +1.51 | 50 | 60 |
| #5 | Wunder Schamane | +1.45 | 49 | 64 |





