








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 54 matches | ||
| Premier | 11 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
727 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,746 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 787 | 29% |
| Smokes | 653 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 634 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 672 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $95,230 of utility $61 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | I just made a lil 40 Im geeked | 33% | 9 |
| #12 | Tills | 29% | 7 |
| #13 | βͺ yungmez | 25% | 8 |
| #14 | wyan | 0% | 6 |
| #15 | SHINNERS13 | 0% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | axeera | 6 | 0.0093 |
| #2 | Spooky Jinneah | 3 | 0.0203 |
| #3 | BOND ππ« | 1 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Thumb | 1 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | βββAyli βββ | 1 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | axeera | 63 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #2 | aero | 58 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #3 | BOND ππ« | 47 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | Noggenfogger | 41 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | βββAyli βββ | 39 | 0.16 | 1 min |





