








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 558 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 221 matches | ||
| Wingman | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 25 matches | ||
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




61 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3704 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,566 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1789 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1197 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1738 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 842 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $239,897 of utility $29 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 78 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hector Salmon | 50% | 135 |
| #2 | Funip | 49% | 303 |
| #3 | VoLa | 49% | 323 |
| #4 | SHARPNESS | 48% | 56 |
| #5 | Jüri | 47% | 173 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Funip | 58 | 0.0095 |
| #2 | VoLa | 50 | 0.0077 |
| #3 | Hector Salmon | 38 | 0.0137 |
| #4 | Jüri | 31 | 0.0089 |
| #5 | SHARPNESS | 16 | 0.0140 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | VoLa | 563 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #2 | Hector Salmon | 385 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #3 | Jüri | 235 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #4 | Funip | 168 | 0.03 | 4 min |
| #5 | SHARPNESS | 139 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Funip | +4.25 | 83 | 41 |
| #2 | Andrus Ansip | +0.97 | 78 | 38 |
| #3 | SHARPNESS | +0.08 | 54 | 41 |
| #4 | Hector Salmon | -0.12 | 59 | 36 |
| #5 | ballerina capuccina | -1.44 | 38 | 67 |





