








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 813 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 226 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 37 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




71 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4817 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,610 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 862 | 13% |
| Smokes | 2142 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 2493 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 1113 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,423,056 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 70 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hector Salmon | 52% | 130 |
| #2 | VoLa | 50% | 291 |
| #3 | Andrus Ansip | 49% | 303 |
| #4 | Jüri | 46% | 155 |
| #5 | SHARPNESS | 46% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | VoLa | 45 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | Andrus Ansip | 44 | 0.0072 |
| #3 | Hector Salmon | 34 | 0.0127 |
| #4 | Jüri | 24 | 0.0077 |
| #5 | SHARPNESS | 15 | 0.0139 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Andrus Ansip | 514 | 0.08 | 9 min |
| #2 | VoLa | 471 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #3 | Hector Salmon | 365 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #4 | Jüri | 200 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | SHARPNESS | 124 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Funip | +3.98 | 84 | 40 |
| #2 | Andrus Ansip | +0.18 | 75 | 39 |
| #3 | SHARPNESS | -0.10 | 54 | 43 |
| #4 | Hector Salmon | -0.35 | 59 | 34 |
| #5 | ballerina capuccina | -1.13 | 46 | 66 |





