








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 38 matches | ||
| Premier | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
855 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,798 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 489 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1254 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 882 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1173 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $373,317 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GODan | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | Resent | 70% | 43 |
| #3 | italian BMT | 68% | 53 |
| #4 | Dak | 68% | 34 |
| #5 | HotBoxGod | 67% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Resent | 4 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | italian BMT | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Dak | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | MAU | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | italian BMT | 184 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #2 | Resent | 118 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | HotBoxGod | 80 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | VenGranite | 63 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | MAU | 44 | 0.07 | 1 min |





