








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 39 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 17 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
642 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,681 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 421 | 25% |
| Smokes | 562 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 341 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 357 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $194,699 of utility $174 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Choke-King | 55% | 42 |
| #2 | dead inside | 50% | 8 |
| #3 | Gà Rán KFC | 36% | 22 |
| #4 | Nanakusegg | 20% | 5 |
| #5 | Hino | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | dead inside | 50% | 8 |
| #3 | Gà Rán KFC | 36% | 22 |
| #4 | Nanakusegg | 20% | 5 |
| #5 | Hino | 0% | 3 |
| #6 | average valorant player | 0% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gà Rán KFC | 2 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | average valorant player | 2 | 0.0225 |
| #3 | Choke-King | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gà Rán KFC | 57 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #2 | Choke-King | 30 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #3 | dead inside | 7 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #4 | Nanakusegg | 5 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #5 | Hino | 4 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cac | +1.59 | 83 | 59 |
| #2 | Choke-King | +1.13 | 67 | 30 |
| #3 | Gà Rán KFC | -0.23 | 69 | 52 |
| #4 | average valorant player | -0.57 | 88 | 31 |
| #5 | dead inside | -1.01 | 56 | 19 |





