








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 127 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
911 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,184 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 707 | 32% |
| Smokes | 611 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 407 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 459 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $308,397 of utility $192 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 214 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Snuggin | 50% | 4 |
| #8 | tobi | 50% | 4 |
| #9 | whisper | 28% | 18 |
| #10 | SquintEastwood | 25% | 4 |
| #11 | koz | 18% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Desolator | 5 | 0.0215 |
| #2 | Snuggin | 1 | 0.0127 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Philmore Boys | 48 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #2 | DrBlabbs | 45 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #3 | The Desolator | 27 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #4 | Chrome Jeans wit a Shitty Butt | 18 | 0.22 | 0 min |
| #5 | tobi | 14 | 0.18 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chrome Jeans wit a Shitty Butt | +7.83 | 74 | 73 |
| #2 | penile_spasm1348906 | +4.05 | 80 | 44 |
| #3 | noxy cracked by iql <3 | +1.56 | 76 | 28 |
| #4 | Snuggin | +1.15 | 67 | 62 |
| #5 | SquintEastwood | +0.29 | 63 | 61 |





