








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1231 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 198 matches | ||
| Faceit | 159 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5106 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,509 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2148 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2216 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2422 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 723 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,631,347 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 457 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pαvi | 69% | 55 |
| #2 | jonathan crisp | 56% | 34 |
| #3 | Fawkesie | 55% | 33 |
| #4 | Epona | 54% | 142 |
| #5 | M'bepis | 54% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Smux | 54% | 96 |
| #7 | HubicPair^ | 53% | 243 |
| #8 | Sirah | 52% | 50 |
| #9 | ʚ♡ɞ Mr. Yung Prime Shopper | 52% | 62 |
| #10 | dish-washer | 50% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HubicPair^ | 41 | 0.0079 |
| #2 | Epona | 11 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | ʚ♡ɞ Mr. Yung Prime Shopper | 7 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | jonathan crisp | 7 | 0.0102 |
| #5 | Fawkesie | 6 | 0.0079 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Epona | 492 | 0.16 | 13 min |
| #2 | HubicPair^ | 354 | 0.07 | 9 min |
| #3 | Smux | 278 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #4 | Pαvi | 131 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | M'bepis | 111 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | michael | +2.31 | 92 | 45 |
| #2 | jonathan crisp | +1.61 | 58 | 47 |
| #3 | HubicPair^ | +1.17 | 84 | 45 |
| #4 | Smux | +0.33 | 59 | 64 |
| #5 | M'bepis | -0.17 | 62 | 64 |





