








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 51 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 297 matches | ||
| Faceit | 106 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




103 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8087 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,132 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3410 | 42% |
| Smokes | 2380 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1779 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 563 | 7% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,898,139 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 269 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | frog | 51% | 68 |
| #2 | DED | 51% | 259 |
| #3 | sex god 420 | 50% | 48 |
| #4 | womp womp | 45% | 49 |
| #5 | Hydro | 45% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | DED | 51% | 259 |
| #3 | sex god 420 | 50% | 48 |
| #4 | womp womp | 45% | 49 |
| #5 | Hydro | 45% | 56 |
| #6 | NARI | 41% | 86 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DED | 43 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | NARI | 25 | 0.0174 |
| #3 | sex god 420 | 6 | 0.0062 |
| #4 | Hydro | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | womp womp | 3 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DED | 517 | 0.10 | 14 min |
| #2 | Hydro | 307 | 0.26 | 8 min |
| #3 | frog | 213 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #4 | sex god 420 | 158 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #5 | NARI | 138 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sex god 420 | +2.89 | 90 | 65 |
| #2 | womp womp | +2.60 | 90 | 66 |
| #3 | DED | +1.72 | 77 | 54 |
| #4 | FURRYLOVER | +1.10 | 95 | 44 |
| #5 | frog | +1.01 | 85 | 64 |





