








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 23 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 146 matches | ||
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




45 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1350 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,667 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1171 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1101 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1303 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1092 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $475,522 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 181 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DED | 45% | 92 |
| #2 | FURRYLOVER | 41% | 86 |
| #3 | Hydro | 40% | 35 |
| #4 | womp womp | 38% | 16 |
| #5 | Realsteele | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DED | 45% | 92 |
| #2 | FURRYLOVER | 41% | 86 |
| #3 | Hydro | 40% | 35 |
| #4 | womp womp | 38% | 16 |
| #5 | Realsteele | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FURRYLOVER | 27 | 0.0186 |
| #2 | DED | 20 | 0.0110 |
| #3 | womp womp | 3 | 0.0120 |
| #4 | Hydro | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Realsteele | 2 | 0.0077 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DED | 179 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #2 | Hydro | 163 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #3 | FURRYLOVER | 76 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | womp womp | 23 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Realsteele | 16 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DED | +2.78 | 77 | 56 |
| #2 | womp womp | +1.47 | 90 | 59 |
| #3 | FURRYLOVER | +1.01 | 95 | 42 |
| #4 | Hydro | -1.80 | 49 | 65 |
| #5 | NARI | -1.96 | 60 | 47 |





