








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 139 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 58 matches | ||
| Faceit | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1797 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,631 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2199 | 47% |
| Smokes | 172 | 4% |
| HE Grenades | 1148 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1112 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $184,276 of utility $73 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 202 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | spence ☺ | 76% | 25 |
| #2 | EeeJae | 67% | 36 |
| #3 | Micropenis.exe | 54% | 52 |
| #4 | inscrul | 50% | 26 |
| #5 | yeahalean | 47% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | EeeJae | 67% | 36 |
| #3 | Micropenis.exe | 54% | 52 |
| #4 | inscrul | 50% | 26 |
| #5 | yeahalean | 47% | 55 |
| #6 | jeggster | 38% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EeeJae | 6 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | spence ☺ | 4 | 0.0071 |
| #3 | Micropenis.exe | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | jeggster | 2 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | yeahalean | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Micropenis.exe | 188 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #2 | yeahalean | 181 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #3 | jeggster | 156 | 0.31 | 4 min |
| #4 | EeeJae | 101 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #5 | spence ☺ | 96 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EeeJae | +2.62 | 97 | 60 |
| #2 | colby | +2.35 | 90 | 61 |
| #3 | spence ☺ | +1.78 | 78 | 73 |
| #4 | yeahalean | -0.55 | 72 | 65 |
| #5 | jeggster | -0.61 | 65 | 64 |





