








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 734 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 397 matches | ||
| Faceit | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 50 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5030 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,384 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5476 | 32% |
| Smokes | 5797 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1953 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 4158 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,104,470 of utility $199 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 632 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EeeJae | 51% | 212 |
| #2 | spence ☺ | 51% | 65 |
| #3 | Micropenis.exe | 49% | 179 |
| #4 | colby | 47% | 55 |
| #5 | jeggster | 44% | 101 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EeeJae | 51% | 212 |
| #2 | spence ☺ | 51% | 65 |
| #3 | Micropenis.exe | 49% | 179 |
| #4 | colby | 47% | 55 |
| #5 | jeggster | 44% | 101 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EeeJae | 10 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | jeggster | 9 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | Micropenis.exe | 5 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | spence ☺ | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | colby | 3 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jeggster | 613 | 0.29 | 16 min |
| #2 | Micropenis.exe | 599 | 0.16 | 17 min |
| #3 | EeeJae | 414 | 0.09 | 11 min |
| #4 | colby | 271 | 0.24 | 6 min |
| #5 | spence ☺ | 223 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EeeJae | +2.01 | 93 | 56 |
| #2 | colby | +1.34 | 87 | 59 |
| #3 | spence ☺ | +0.82 | 79 | 72 |
| #4 | yeahalean | +0.11 | 73 | 64 |
| #5 | jeggster | -0.58 | 63 | 65 |





