








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 356 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 222 matches | ||
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3147 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,593 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4575 | 31% |
| Smokes | 5119 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 854 | 6% |
| Molotovs | 4045 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $654,592 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 330 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | spence ☺ | 55% | 73 |
| #2 | EeeJae | 54% | 185 |
| #3 | colby | 54% | 52 |
| #4 | yeahalean | 49% | 179 |
| #5 | jeggster | 47% | 154 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | spence ☺ | 55% | 73 |
| #2 | EeeJae | 54% | 185 |
| #3 | colby | 54% | 52 |
| #4 | yeahalean | 49% | 179 |
| #5 | jeggster | 47% | 154 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EeeJae | 11 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | jeggster | 9 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | yeahalean | 5 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | spence ☺ | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | colby | 3 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jeggster | 943 | 0.29 | 24 min |
| #2 | yeahalean | 577 | 0.16 | 17 min |
| #3 | EeeJae | 392 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #4 | colby | 272 | 0.26 | 6 min |
| #5 | spence ☺ | 268 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EeeJae | +2.71 | 95 | 57 |
| #2 | spence ☺ | +2.13 | 77 | 71 |
| #3 | colby | +1.88 | 88 | 60 |
| #4 | yeahalean | +0.18 | 75 | 66 |
| #5 | jeggster | -0.91 | 62 | 66 |





