








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 229 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




49 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3311 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,951 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4732 | 40% |
| Smokes | 3360 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1972 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1887 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $750,054 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Evyst | 57% | 192 |
| #4 | Sam Staunton VA 24401 | 57% | 302 |
| #5 | Skeewee | 55% | 22 |
| #6 | Sentinel | 51% | 72 |
| #7 | 3" is average | 44% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sam Staunton VA 24401 | 26 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | Dr. Fortnite | 22 | 0.0074 |
| #3 | Evyst | 12 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Skeewee | 9 | 0.0205 |
| #5 | 3" is average | 5 | 0.0094 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sam Staunton VA 24401 | 938 | 0.15 | 23 min |
| #2 | Evyst | 618 | 0.16 | 15 min |
| #3 | Dr. Fortnite | 215 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #4 | Skeewee | 116 | 0.26 | 2 min |
| #5 | Sentinel | 93 | 0.06 | 3 min |





